I know that if you have come to this blog, you are looking for help with your relationship, whether you have been married for years or are a newly formed but in love couple. You might even be single and looking for the love of your life. There is so much written on this vast topic that to be fresh, relevant, and most of all, truly helpful, it strikes me that you might need a little help targeting the issues of most importance to you.
First, I'd like to share with you the problems I encounter most often in a typical day at the office. See if any of them ring a bell for you:
1. "The Emotional Affair."
You would be surprised how many couples come in to my office with this problem. Usually discovered via looking through the partner's cell phone or social media, the suprised partner finds evidence that is shocking: Their mate, presumably faithful, has been emotionally involved with someone else, and has broken what was presumed to be an inviolate, intimate boundary. Though no physical touching was exchanged, hearts have touched, and the left-out partner feels as betrayed as if physical encounters had taken place. Treatment is very similar as for a physical affair, which is a step by step process for rebuilding trust. While no method for rebuilding trust is fool-proof, there can be a restoration of loving trust when knowledgeable help is availble.
2. "The Effect of Young Children on a Marriage."
So many couples I see had "ideal" marriages before the birth of babies, after which, they seem suprised by the time a toddler takes away from a couple's private time. Often, instead of intensive psychotherapy/couples' couseling, what they need is education about becoming parents. Normalizing what they are going through, and why they are fighting, arguing, bickering and exhausted, helps them a lot. You would be surprised how their "little bundle of joy" can seems to disrupt a dual-income marriage, if the couple is not prepared for the change.
3. "Lack of Privacy"
Couples who peruse the phones and social media of their partner can almost always find what they are looking for, even if it doesn't exist. By that I mean, it is easy to misconstrue what you see on your partner's phone, etc., when you are "snooping." I don't believe this is the way to an honest discussion about what your partner is "up to." Oftentimes, such investigation puts the partner erroneously in the position of having to explain themselves unnecessarily. I say, leave their phone alone!
4. "The Bedroom Blues"
Couples are often surprised that they no longer want to make love with the frequency of those heady, early days of making love everywhere, all the time. Yes, that early lust can and usually does fade, but I find that couples need to be educated to the point that if they let making love go, it will. The demands of daily life, especially with young children in the home, as mentioned, can make couples sexual strangers to one another. Luckily, if there was passion once, it can likely be rekindled with the proper education.